Kiss on the Lips?

"How 'bout a kiss on the lips?" -5 year old boy.

I should have said something like this, " No kisses are for family."

I did say, "Ummmmmm, I have a cold sore on my lips, no kisses."

I'm an idiot!

Fashion No No!

"That blue necklace doesn't match your black shirt." -8th grade boy
"One, it's a bluish-gray so it works. Two I don't restrict myself to fashion guidelines." -me

Church for Everyone.

"There's churches for Christians, churches for atheists, and even for protagonists." -8th grade student 1
"What's a protagonist?" -8th grade student 2
"A person who doesn't do anything until the last minute." -8th grade student 1
"Ohhhhhhh." -8th grade student 2

Defacing of Mural.

Two school years ago I was student teaching and created a mural with my sixth grade art club. It came out really good and actually inspired my cooperating art teacher to keep going with the tree theme and now the hallway looks like a forest with five or six trees in it. Each one's style is different and has a uplifting quote that goes along with the mural. Anyways.. I've been subbing at the school I student taught in for the last week and have walked by the mural a couple times per day. Today I was walking passed it to leave at the end of the day and something caught my eye... a sharpie marker drawing of a penis right in the middle of the tree trunk! Awesome kid, awesome. What a butt head!

These Kids Are Making Me Sick...Literally.

"You guys are making me sick!" I said.
"That's not really a nice thing to say," said a student.
"No... You are LITERALLY making me sick," I said.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," the student said.

FOUR!

This picture illustrates what happened last week in a fifth grade classroom.

A boy threw a golf ball at a girls head.

Stevie Nicks!

"Stevie Nicks!" Shouted a forth grade boy to another forth grade boy.
"I'm not Stevie Nicks, you are!" Said the other boy.
"Why are you calling each other Stevie Nicks?" I asked.
"Because he sounds like Stevie Nicks." Said the boy.
"She 'Stevie Nicks' has a good voice." I said.
"Stevie Nicks is a girl?" Asked a student.
"Hahahaha you sound like a girl." Said the boy.

Who Knew Bees Wax Could Be(e) So Funny?

Last school year I had a long term art teaching job. I was teaching a kindergarten class when a student needed to mind his own business.
"Mind your own Bees wax!" I said joking around.
Then the whole class started laughing hysterically.
"BEES WAX! Hahaha!"
For the rest of class all I heard was the phrase, 'mind your own bees wax,' followed by little giggles.
I love sharing silly sayings with kids for the first time.

Grandma Jaye

"Yeah my grandma Jaye is cool," said a kindergarten student.
"Hey that's my name!" said a student.
"Your name is grandma Jaye?" asked the kindergarten student.

Donald Trump all up on me!

“Mrs. T said I could come to art and catch up on my two projects,” said the second grade student.
“Not today because I don’t know what or where your projects are,” I said.
“Well Mrs. T said and she’s married to the principal and they’re both gonna be real mad,” said the student.
“Well I’ll talk to Mrs. T later,” I said.
“ NO! I’m supposed to do art today! The principal is gonna be mad! YOU’RE GONNA BE FIRED… and never be able to come here again! You’ll never be able to see me! YOU’RE GONNA BE FIRED!” Yelled the student.

Well the classroom teacher came to pick up the students from art and asked the student what Mrs. T really said, which was he couldn’t come to art later because there was a substitute.
…And Mrs. T and the Principal aren’t even married.